Life of a Porn Clerk

Hey, boring Saturday. Found this to be amusing. Enjoy !

1. Beth's First Law of Tag Replenishment:
Of any ten tags you need to put away, nine of them will be in front of the big creepy guy who won't move.

Ali's Corollary:
Of these nine, at least five will require you to bend or crouch in such a way that your head is right in front of his groin.

.... (snipped) ....

There are way more bisexuals in the world than you think. I know there are way more than you think, because there are way more than I thought, and I'm bisexual. People who've finally gotten rid of all their inhibitions in that regard rent all over the Kinsey scale - there are a few 50/50 renters, but more people just seem to throw in what suits them. It still freaks out many of my fellow clerks when people do that. "Weird. That guy rented three gay videos and two straight," comes up a lot. I usually gently mention that there are more than two options in the world, but they tend to just give me blank looks. Oh, well - most of them are still in college. They'll learn.

.... (snipped) ....

But I digress. We actually hardly ever turn people gay or even bi. The clerks at our all-porn branch have noticed a fairly strict progression, because their porn is broken up by far more than gay and straight. According to them, the most likely Porn Drift path for a straight male goes from all lesbian to straight sex (some guys are so freaked out about seeing another guy's penis that straight sex videos are called "gay male" in some circles) to she-male. We keep the she-male stuff in the straight section - straight guys don't want to go to the gay section for their chicks with dicks videos, and for the most part gay men don't rent them.

(I have been given two interesting explanations as to why straight guys like women with penises. The first is that men don't believe that women like or want sex as much as they do. A chick with a penis, then, is a woman who has a full, hearty, male sex drive and must want sex as much as he does. The second one is almost touching to me: Vaginas are mysterious, and penises are by comparison fairly straightforward and easy to satisfy. A guy knows what to do with a penis, so if a woman has one he can be sure he knows how to satisfy her.)

I am actually sort of heartened by Porn Drift. I like seeing concrete evidence that sexuality is a more fluid thing than people like to admit, and I like seeing people stop worrying about what they're supposed to be turned on by and just go with what they like. I feel like the more people stop trying to fit themselves into rigid little boxes, the more they'll be able to cut people slack when they fit into a different box, or don't fit into a box at all.

So depending on your point of view, we're either helping people to open up to a new understanding of themselves and others, or we're helping to turn previously normal people into depraved freakos.

What else is new?