Showing posts with label Feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Feelings. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 18, 2021

Self-exploration - re-reading my old posts

So now that I started to write again, I thought it is a good idea to read my old entries, just to see where I have been and how my throughts and writing style might have changed over the years. Afterall, we all change as we grow.

First thing I noted back in an article in 2004, is I have lived through dial-up Internet times. Yes. Wow. Especially when travelling around Asia.

Second thing is, a lot of my posts is about bitching at work. Politics, interesting events, etc. So yes, having a job is a major part of my life. I think it is true for most people. Perhaps that's why retiring for many people is not a simple affair.

Third thing is that I cannot remember many things. I remember some pieces of my childhood that are not significant in any way. As in, they are not terrible things or extremely happy moments. Just a random normal day. Haha. I also don't remember giving away my books to my friends before leaving Singapore, my first time using Australia's Medicare, and a few other things. 

Sometimes, it is usually these inconsequential things that we do, seems insignificant to us, but poeple who benefit from them would usually remember.

Thursday, July 01, 2021

Exciting Employment Times

So I started a draft of this blog back in 2016. Now that I am back, it would go something like this :

Mid 2014 - I joined a listed US company.

Mid 2016 - My company is acquired.

Late 2017 - My company is acquired again.

End 2017 - My company is acquired again.

Early 2019 - My company is acquired... again. *sigh*

What an interesting journey. Haha. 4 acquisitions in 4 years.

Oh well, good thing is, I received a lump sum due to early grant of stock options. Now everything looks stable and hopefully no more acquisitions or spin-offs. Welcome to the life in the fast lane.

How does that impact me, you might ask. 

So throughout the journey, I have gone through excitement, worry, dread, resistance, acceptance and now a little bored and hoping to find a new or exciting opportunity.

Initally excited as this is my first taste of being acquired. Going though all the process, the management talks that it will lead to wider opportunities for the company. Meeting new colleagues, etc.

Then the reality that after every acquisition, there is always redundancies. Wasn't too bad at first because my position is strong, internally. 

As a few more acquisitions flow through, it becomes a revolving door. Not that I don't like the changes, but it is coming before we settle down. And I am sure it has impacted some of my customers' perception and apprehension.

Then as more red-tapes creep in, adjusting to new processes, restrictions, corporate policies, it becomes a little frustrating. 

"I have been doing things this way all the time and it fits us well. Why change ?"
"We have more autonomy before." etc. You get the idea.

Finally, it is now about 2 years after the final acquisition, and a few reshuffling that doesn't affect me much, I am comfortable yet restless. Things are becoming boring. I am no longer enjoying my work as much. COVID and lockdowns are not helping. 

Oh well, I think this sums up this stretch of my life. I think I am coming back here more often, as I go through mid-life crisis and trying to adapt. I think I have more topics and subjects that I think I can share my opinion on. (read : I am now an older guy stubborn guy)

Let's see how it goes this time.


Saturday, August 09, 2008

NDP 2008

This is my first time watching NDP outside Singapore. And I guess it won't be the last.

I am sitting alone in my living room (my laptop connected to my TV) and viewing the NDP via webcast. Not fantastic quality, but better than nothing. Maybe I will be able to enjoy it more after I get my own satellite dish...

Since my laptop is in front of me, I thought I might as well blog something about it while waiting for the exciting parts to start.

How does it feel ? Am I filled with patriotism and miss being in Singapore ? - No.

I have nothing against the country of course, but I don't feel much too. Maybe remembering the 2 years that I got involved in the NDP because I was still in the army. Other than that, it has just been a reason to get together with friends, and watch the parade together while eating unhealthy snacks and getting drunk.

So here I am, alone at home, eating unhealthy snacks and getting somewhat drunk too.. haha

Anyhow, have a happy holiday !

Monday, March 24, 2008

Goodbye, my first...

car.

Just handed it over to the dealer just now.

The feeling was a little tinge of sadness. I will soon work out how much I spent on it these 3 years 7 months and 12 days.

So it is public transport from now on.

Nostalgia ... here and here

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Happy Lunar New Year !

Heh. A little late. But wishing all a Happy Lunar New Year !
May the year of the Rat brings everyone health and wealth !

Not really in the mood for blogging much now, as I am busy with lots of my personal stuff in preparation to moving.

So the next time you hear from me, is probably going to be a few minutes before I fly off from Singapore...

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Yeah.. Happy New Year !

Haha.. no, this is not my greetings. It's late, I know.

Just bought a new watch for myself :

My New Watch - Seiko SNP001P1
(Photo taken from Seiko Site)

Definitely sub-thousand, I am not rich. Got it at a pretty good price. Now I am going to wait for the Lunar New Year to start wearing it... heh heh..


Also quite nice to know that ocassionally, new readers pop in and leave their footprints. I thank you all. :)

Monday, December 31, 2007

Not-so-good End to 2007

Today is the last day of 2007.

And it can be spoilt by a small yawn...

Well, not really spoilt because it wasn't major and I am not going to lose sleep over it. But really made me slap myself on my forehead and go "duh"...

Was driving into office with little sleep last night. Came home way past mid-night and all.

So I was driving into my office basement carpark. Just to describe a little :

Right after entering the gate, I can either turn left 90-degrees to park at B1, or I can turn to go down a ramp to B2 (which is where I usually park.)

But the downward ramp is not straight ahead.. it is about 5 meters to the right and parrallel to way I came in through the gate. So I had to turn right like 60 degress, move a bit, the turn back so that I go straight down the ramp, and there is a concrete divider to separate up and down traffic. (And going down is on the left, so the divider is on the right side of the car.)

And since the ramp is below my horizon (as it is going downwards), and the divider is only about 10 cm high, you can imagine that drivers can't actually SEE the divider once the car is at the edge of the slope. You can see the divider while at the gate, and you can see the divider when the whole car is pointing downards. But not in between.

I am sure many people has either turned too much and hit the divider, or didn't turn enough and the LEFT side hits the curb (luckily there is a curb, otherwise cars will be scraping the wall.) Cos I can see damages in the concrete.

Now, I have been going up and down this slope with NOT A SINGLE TOUCH on either curb nor divider for the past 3 years. I am not new to this thing. It's an everyday event for me.

And today, just as I am rounding my steering and going over the edge of the slope, I had to yawn. And just for that half a second, I didn't turn my steering back fast enough.

Bang. My front right wheel hit the divider. Damn. I didn't go over the divider or anything.. Just that the divider "pushed" my wheels and my car back on track.

When I got down and inspected the wheel (hoping there was no leak or anything), I saw DEEP and wide gashes on the rims. It was quite a hard hit I can say. I can use my keys to scrap off lots of pieces of not-so-thin flakes.

*Sigh*. Well, part and parcel of driving I guess. No, I am not the type who will now go and change the rims. I will leave it as it is. Its just a car for transport. As long as it is still safe, secure, clean, comfortable and all-functions intact, I will leave comestic damages as they are.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Happy Deepavali, or so I thought.

Today is Deepavali and is a public holiday. At least in Singapore.

Festival of light. I do need lots of light in my life right now. It's no big secret that I am intending to move over to Australia soon. Some time early next year.

And this has caused me anxiety and apprehension at the most inappropriate times. Sleepless nights, waking in the middle of the night, days when I suddenly question myself if I am doing the right thing.

But I guess at the end of it all, it is not all about money. We sometimes have to fulfil our other desires as well.

And recently, this issue has caused me other problems at work too - my boss.

(Haha.. Yes, I know some of my colleagues are reading this, but I guess I don't care anymore...)

You see, it is not secret among my colleagues that I am planning to move over. And when my boss asked me about it almost a year ago, I thought the best thing is not to lie about it (lest he heard from someone and I was caught lying to him.)

But all along I have been consistent and telling him that the earliest I would leave is March next year. And most probably by June.

Recently, my big boss (my boss' boss) has pushed me to go over earlier, trying to help me with getting a job in our branch office in Australia. He even mentioned, that since my replacement is already hired, I can go earlier.

But I can't, on personal levels. So I told my big boss that I could push it a little earlier and leave after Chinese New Year next year (which is going to be early Feb.)

Lo and behold, since I didn't update my boss about the "After CNY" thingie, and he has to hear about the news from his boss, he got angry with me.

I mean, WTF. After CNY and March - What is the few days difference ? Afterall, my boss hired my replacement since almost 2 months ago... I guess it is not the "time" that he is angry with, but the fact that I didn't tell HIM myself, and that he has to hear it from someone else.

So he is upset that I do not "trust" him ? That I am leaving him in the dark ? Afterall, it was just a few days after he came back from an overseas trip and I didn't have opportunity to chat with him.. Not like I would knock his door and just update him on this piece of "news"... I had other more pressing work to do.

So being angry with me, he doesn't want to talk to me. Must like school kids who "I don't friend you anymore" kinda attitude...

Anyway, end of the day, I now regret telling anyone in my office about it... I should have just kept my bloody mouth shut and just leave suddenly... That would probably show how much "trust" I have in him (my boss). Maybe he'd like that better ?

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Dreamy Nights

For the past 2 nights, I don't know why I have been having many dreams. These dreams have been causing me to wake up at inapproriate times of the night, causing me to be tired in the day.

One dream was that I was involved in a war, a long one I might add. And it ended up as being a joint exercise between I-dunno which armies. It felt like I dreamt the whole night.

Are they signs of something ? Or am I just too stressed ?

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Adapting back to Singapore

Ok.. Been back for a few days.

First thing that I miss, is the nice weather.. and nice sun.. gave me a good tan.. :)
Then it is the quiet nights that makes sleeping more peaceful.

Work-wise, I have lost more passion. I am going to work just to make it easier for my dept. But then, do I make a difference ?

Found another thing to do. Probably take photos to sell on the Internet... Make my hobby pay for some of my bills ?

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Relaxed...

Tomorrow, I will be flying to Perth in the morning. For 2 weeks ! YEAH !

My long break this year.

Oh, and I borrowed my colleague's new Panasonic Lumix DMC-FZ18. Heheh.. Looking forward to taking some great shots ! (Thanks !)

So, do keep a look out here. I will post some updates along the way.

Oh, and I also just bought "In My Time" comic, by Mr Miyagi. Hope to finish reading it by tonight. Haha... Local product. Support support a bit... :P

Monday, July 16, 2007

Conquer the World !

Ok. All done with Theme Hospital.

Just bought Command & Conquer : The First Decade.

Remembering the good old times of Win 95, Win 98, playing games with loud-speaker in hostel room...

So far, all seems to load and run well in Vista.

Starting from the very first episode too.. Weird, playing 640x480 on my 15.4" Wide screen laptop. Not to mention the window size havoc it makes whenever it changes resolution with open windows in the background.

Also, when my screen-saver kicks in it screws up the video colours... But nothing I can't deal with.. hahahaha

Ok, I guess my $60 of C&C:TFD is going to keep me occupied for the rest of the year.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

I want to be Hospital Adminstrator...

I said I was playing with Command & Conquer , right ?

Being the fickle minded me, 2 days ago I was packing my software and games collection and I installed this game in my Vista - Theme Hospital.

Pretty funny and interesting. Hooked on to it now.. Damn...

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Nostalgia ...

As you would have known, I have gotten a new computer, running on Windows Vista Home Premium.

So, while in a weak attempt to clean my room, I started installing old games onto the machine.

So now, I am playing with "Commando" and "Command & Conquer : Red Alert For Win95".

Some other games just cannot be played.

I can't get "C&C : Tiberian Sun" to work. Though search round the net found that there are ppl who got it working in Vista. Maybe I haven't searched deep enough.

So its playing a Win95 game, on my nice screen, but at resolution of 640x480.. hahaha..

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Sleepless, on a cool rainy night...

Had an enjoyable day. Went out for picnic. Then I was back home very late, showered and tried to sleep.

Once again, I am lying in bed, tossing and turning.
After about 2 hours of failing to make myself sleep, I finally turned on my PC.

What is keeping me awake now ?
D has flown to Australia.
Reminded me that time has drawn closer for me to execute my plans to move over as well.
Something that I have logically and rationally decided to do.
(And I think this is the first time I admitted this ?)

But logic and rationale usually always fight big battles with emotions.

This time, I experience first-hand the fear and apprehension that KOP had faced, and what D must be facing now.

I can only imagine it growing in time to come...

Starting life in a new place, having to re-establish everything all over again ?
What if I can't make it ?
What if I become miserable ?
Am I stupid to throw everything that I have now ?
What if this is the worst mistake I will ever make in my whole life ?

These are the things that kept on running through my head...

And the rain is pouring outside...
Lightning flashing frequently...
Wind howling through my window...

I think I will have darker eyes, bigger eye-bags, and whiter hair for the next few months...

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Sian again...

Quarreled with my boss yesterday.

Throughout the whole thing, I get this message from him : "If the sales person(s) is not capable of ensuring that customers order enough for a product launch, it is the marketing dept's duty to be the check-and-balance... To check on the sales person(s)'s action to ensure marketing campaign is a success."

An entirely right "assumption", except for the facts that :

(a) Some sales people can do this "part" of their job automatically (also a logical thing to do), while others can't get it into their heads. I wonder why...

(b) My boss has shifted the entire "blame" to (i) me, for not "reporting" these lapses in the sales people to him and (ii) another sales person (and pretending to scold her in front of me) for failing to do her part, thereby diverting attention from what his 'favourite subordinate' has done (or in this case, has not done).

(c) My boss is passing sarcastic comments at me when trying to shift the blame to the marketing for not having enough stocks for a particular model.

What I am pissed at :

(1) The primary person who was supposed to do it didn't do it well, so the fault is with the "backup" for not (i) ensuring that the primary person did it and (ii) for not reporting it up to higher authorities.

[I mean, why wasn't the primary person reprimanded for not doing her job in the first place ? And passing comments like "I tried my best to train her, but she just can't be trained anymore. So I have to rely on you guys to monitor" is just passing the buck to me. Yet when one of my subordinate made a mistake that caused him to lose face in front of management, he wanted me to fire that guy by asking the "Do you think he is 'trainable' ?" question.

Still dare to end that comment with a "Do you want to try to train her?".

In case you are confused, the "her" I am referring to is the other poor unfortunate scapegoat sales girl that had her mistake discovered by my boss. Not my boss's favourite "her", who was never mentioned during the entire arguement.]

(2) Management by Sarcasm is a new management technique that I am sure my boss can be the authority to write a book on.

[And yet question why I am so defensive. If he can be passing sarcastic remarks to his subordinate (me), I think my basic entitlement/right is to defend my entire dept, who also happens to be HIS subordinates.]

(3) The sales people are supposed to be "Country Managers" and good business people, makes business decisions, who are highly-paid. (There are no "sales executives" types in our company.) My marketing dept people are just a bunch of back-end support staff who are not even paid commission.

If we screwed up, we have to be blamed. But if the sales people screw up, we STILL have to pick up the blame for not monitoring them ?

(4) When none of the sales people dared to forecast/commit to the qty of stocks they needed, we took the risk and the initiative to order more, based on our gut feel. And this is the thanks we get at the end of the day...

(5) His ability to pass comments that we came up with a campaign, spent money advertising, and not have enough stocks to get the revenue. (And if we had based on the oh-so-capable sales people's forecast, there would have been ZERO revenue.)

While he , just few weeks ago, wanted us to book 2 x half-page ad per month, on a major local newspaper, for a whole year (amounting to at least 2 times what I spent on the entire campaign). When asked why, he just wanted to "increase exposure" and "raise our image", and told us to come up with sometimes to put on the ad.

*~*~*~*~*

And oh yes, is this the right way to promote team-work between sales and marketing ? (That we inform higher authorities that the sales are not doing their part ? We just try to trash things out and if we work it out between us, why is there a need to complain ?)

Marketing is just a team of cheap labour to push every job and blame to ? And only keep the "high-class job" of entertaining, getting PO from customers, etc, as a sales' job ?

(And before you even dare to comment about me not knowing how hard it is to do sales, let me just state that I have been doing the same sales job-scope for more than 2 years, out of which 1.5 years has been with this current company. So I can safely say "Been there, done that ! I know what are my responsibilities.")

Oh wait. This episode just told me that even if the sales didn't get enough PO from the customers for a particular campaign that we planned, its our fault too !

Throughout all these years, The sales decides WHAT gets launched, WHEN it gets launched, and HOW MUCH MONEY to spend for the launch, for their countries. Not the marketing ! So isn't it a logical progression that they have been making such decisions therefore they should KNOW what needs to be done ? (And shall I say again, if they didn't do what needs to be done, it still is our fault for not checking on them?)

*~*~*~*~*

Time to start looking for another job... My peaceful times never lasts more than a month.
I can't do my job. Let see HIM find a "check-and-balance" backup for my job. Who can it be... the Logistic people ?

Monday, February 05, 2007

Sleeping Pill

2 weeks ago, I went to get some sleeping pills from the doctor for my occasional insomnia. Last night was the first pill. Took it at 1.10am when I realized I don't feel sleepy. Half an about 20 minutes later, I felt a little high.

Yes, high. Similar to having a few drinks. But of course, without the warm feeling and the accelerated heart-rate. Just feeling high on cloud nine...

Had difficulty waking up this morning at 8. Pulled myself to the office at 9am and realized that I had left my notebook and other stuff that I needed to bring to the office back at home. Damn. Another trip back home to get them.

I hope I do not become reliant on the pills.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Am I Disillusioned ?

I have been very cranky and fault-finding lately, but one issue remained a mystery to me.

I have always been "concerned" (being politically sensitive here) about the sheer volume of foreigners in Singapore (and I am definitely not talking about tourists). Nothing personal, just that I think it is the effects of our policies.

Many a times, when walking along the streets, I feel that I had been mysteriously transported to another country. What's worse is that it happens not in Chinatown, nor Little India, but right at local coffee shops in the heartlands.

And then I took a serious look at myself. Am I being discriminating ? I tried to think back at the times that I had encounters with foreigners.

Malaysians ? I can tell, but not much resentment or other feelings. Probably I think Malaysian and Singaporeans are not much different and we have been moving around freely.

Thais, Filipinos, Indonesians ? Other than students, most are low-wage workers. I don't feel much. I don't feel that they are invading. I don't feel much, actually.

Indians ? Can't tell FTs from local Indians. Other than the obvious labourers. The only time I discrimate them is when there are enough of them around me that reeks of unwashed sweating bodies. And come to think of it, it is not their race that I am against, just the odour. I would feel the same if the odour were to come from a bunch of Chinese construction workers (be they Singaporeans or Malaysians).

MLC (Main Land Chinese) ? Yes ! These are the people that irritates me the most. I can't give an exact reason. Is it their LOUD presence ? Is it their INTRUSIVE behavour ? I really do not know. Or am I just a nationalist (as opposed to a racist), that I dislike all MLCs ? What is it that they did to me that I dislike ? This is something I want to find out.

Someone told me it is their loudness, and their way of imposing their culture onto us. A little bit of truth in it, just like how I would hate to sit in a bus along Little India when all the Indian workers decided to re-enact a scene from a bus in Bangalore by squeezing beyond the laws of physics.

But that can't be the whole thing. I still do not automatically dislike all Indian workers, just during those irritating moments.

But for the MLCs, they have hit my nerves so much, that the moment they open their mouths, I feel irritated. Or maybe, it is true that I hate their loud, obnoxious way of speaking ?

Something for me to ponder over...

I am no longer a teen....

You are about 20 years old
The teen repellent will no longer foil you, but you can still hear some pretty high tones.

The highest pitched ultrasonic mosquito ringtone that I can hear is 16.7kHz
Find out which ringtones you can hear!

Ok. This, officially, shall be my aging test from now on. Lets see when I will turn officially deaf.