RTA Update

I heard more about how my relatives' RTA happened.

They were travelling along (probably a not-so-familar route) and at a turn or slope, there was a puddle of water.

The vehicle skidded and slammed into a pole (or lamp post). They were injured and shaken, got out of the vehicle. Apparently, they were hang around there for a while (how long, I don't know) and along came another car and a it happened again.

This time, the car slammed into my relatives.

Uncle and auntie died on the spot. My cousin-in-law died either on the way to hospital, or at the hospital. My cousin is stablized but require multiple operations.


Moral of the story, if accident happened, please stay away from vehicle and stay clear of the road.

More Bad News

I just heard that today, my auntie and uncle (who were staying in Malaysia) passed away in a RTA in Malaysia. My cousin is still in hospital, not sure of her condition, while her husband died as well.

Still not sure of many things, but appears to be skid gone awry. Not sure if other vehicles were involved...

Wedding Concepts

My brother has just returned me the money that I had given him last year for his wedding.

When I asked him, his reply is that he feels wedding should be "parents give", not "brother give". My response was simple : It is a family gift. Elder brothers also got give ang pao one ma.


What is with "youngsters" nowadays ?

It is MY wedding. I decide who I want to marry. I want the things to go MY way. But money has to come from parents. Especially the parents of the groom.

What with the reason that "traditionally", Chinese wedding is paid for by the groom's parents.


Oh yeah, talk about tradition ? Traditionally, groom's parents DECIDES who their boy marries and who is good enough for their boy, why don't you follow this tradition as well ? Traditionally, the new family live with the parents and follow the male family rules. What about that ?

You want independence, you want to be modern, what with freedom of love and all. Totally against arranged marriage, believing that it doesn't work. Why not be independent all the way ?

So many couples I know of, they pay for their own wedding, including the dinner. What parents give are just gifts, bonus, extra cash. Yes, they may make concessions to parents when parents give money. But isn't organizing any large event the same ? Make compromises and try to make everyone happy (wedding couple themselves included).

They don't PLAN their wedding based on how much their parents are giving them, nor do they feel that their parents owe them for their own wedding decisions.

Wake up ! Don't expect the world to owe you everything. Want to be traditional, be traditional all the way. Want to be new age, be new age all the way. Don't be half-assed ! Don't choose things that are in your favour only and when you don't get it, blame others !

Some Updates

Work :
Getting rather tired. Don't feel motivated at all. I don't know why. I need to strike TOTO !

Family :
Brother still got married. Without our family's participation though.

Personal :
Feeling lethargic most of the time.

Hobby :
I think I found a suitable casing for my Car-Cam project. Lets see how things go.

Troubled Nights

Been having trouble sleeping on and off.

Again it is family issues.

Work, I can handle. No matter how irritating, or how absurd, I can bitch, but it never caused me trouble at night.

Used to, but not now...

I think I should be about having almost my lifetime's worth of sleeplessness in these few weeks. It hurts me to see that my parents are hurting and feeling sad. And this hurt and sadness comes from someone else in the family, and someone else that is almost into the family...

Maybe all these personal pressure is causing me to be more blunt and more daring at work, ticking off anyone who doesn't use their brains to think...

Emotional Baggage

I realized recently that I can deal with depression and sadness better than dealing with apprehension.

I realized that I can handle my own emotional well-being better than my family's emotional state. Somehow, after years of trying to be distant from family and trying to "bo chap", I realized I can't. Just can't ignore.

Somehow, telling myself that whatever happens, it is not my doing, it is not my fault, and nothing I can do about it. But at the back of my mind, it is always "Is that enough ? Can't I do more ?".

I am too responsible for my own good. I cannot be the bo chap , cool , unaffected guy that I want to be.

Snippets of Updates

At work

I guess nowadays, work saps most of my energy. It is not the physical work that is tiring. I mean, how tiring can it be, clicking on the mouse the whole day.

It is the thinking part. The part where I have to think about how to train the new guy ; How to do new things that will make my department treasured and valued ; How to bring new concepts to life ; How to deliver stunning results ; How to right what is wrong....

But I am thinking too far ahead. I have to first think of how to get everything organized and have proper tracking. Things in the company is just too messy at the moment. And everyone is just too busy clearing work, there is not time to think and brainstorm.

The only time I can do that, is in the shower.

At Home

Things are going on as usual. My brother's wedding is drawing near, and things are still not that settled. Well, not my problem.

My father is finally going to take up the citizenship, after decades of being a Singapore PR. Digging through old documents, I found out that my maternal grandmother's citizenship was considered "British Subject" when my mum was born.

My Hobby

I needed to buy some stuff off the Internet and out of Singapore. This is where I get to know how famous Singapore has become. I give Singapore another hub-status award. Fraud Hub of Asia. We are among the few countries that are blacklisted together with countries such as Indonesia and Nigeria.

What an accomplishment !

My Brother's Wedding Convesation - 2

Yesterday, was at home to witness the conversation of my brother's wedding preparation again.

Some parts of the conversation that I wanted to highlight :

D=My Father
B= My Brother
M=My Mother
[Note] = My comments, in italics.

(1) About the timetable for the day :

M : So what is the program for the day, April 15th, right ?

B : Yes. The ROM will be at 12.30. Then will be the buffet.

D : Buffet until what time ?

B : They need to re-arrange the place for the wedding dinner at 5pm.

M : So buffet is about 1 to 3 lah.

B : Yeah. Still need to book the registrar. [Note : They wanted the ROM Ceremony to be on location, instead of at the ROM]

M : Haven't confirmed yet, ah ?

B : Not yet [Note : Huh ? Haven't book ? Wait not free, then change everything lah ?]

M : Then morning ? The timing for the ceremony

[Note : My brother was thinking for a full 20 seconds before answering]

B : By 11.30am have to leave the house.

M : How about the morning ?

B : 1 hour for tea ceremony enough ?


[Note : Hmm.. Wonder what has been planned, and what hasn't been ? Does he know which are the "critical paths" and need to book first ? ]



(2) About the Wedding Dinner Tables :

B : Ten table for you all enough ?

D : If you can only give then, then I will adjust my guest list. This one after New Year can think one.

B : I reserve 2 tables for my helpers, the girl's side need 14 table, so 10 for you. If you don't need so many, the remainder will give to the girl's side.

M : You pay for the girl's side ah ?

B : YES. We paying for the whole dinner ourselves.

D : Usually, when giving tables, give the girl's side same or less than the boy's side...

B : My girlfriend already ask her parents to reduce the number of guests. They are big family, what to do ?

D : It is not about the number of guests they have. They are big family, or they have big business, it is their own side to settle. But you do not have to give so many.

B : They actually ask for higher, but we negotiated lower.

M : Also, usually, the girl's side ask for tables, they don't ask for "gifts".

D : Yes, they want higher, but do they have the right to demand for it ? You should know how to talk to them. Normally if you give them what you can, if they want more, can, they just pay for the rest. You just have to help them book the tables.

B : (loudly) YEAH ! IF DON'T GIVE, THEN THEY DON'T MARRY THEIR DAUGHTER TO YOU LAH !

D : If want to say that, then nothing to discuss lor. If it were me, I would have already thought of how to reason with them. What is the point of making their children suffer in debt for the wedding, then no money for house and children ? Is this the way to love their daughter ? Why you never think before hand, how to talk and how to approach ? If it were me, I will have ways to get them to agree to my terms.

B : YEAH LAH ! YOU VERY SMART LAH ! I VERY STUPID LAH !

[Note : And he proceeds to pack his things to leave the house. Say need to go somewhere. It is raining cats and dogs at that time.]

After he left, my parents were then talking to each other.

Commenting that he must have been the girl's side wanted everything and he just agreed. Like he had no choice. Boss's niece lah ! Cannot think for himself one ?

And that why he do or say things, never thought about parents' feelings ah. They demand, must give ? Never consult with own parents ? Must approve one meh ? Both parents can don't agree, then ownself go and elope lah ! Never say that to him only.

Tell him how to deal with people, for his own good, get scolding from him. Happy event like this must turn out this way. Everything give in to the other side. Give suggestions, thinking it is discussion, he blame us for making things difficult for him. Shouting at us everytime.

Then might as well just inform us what to do, don't bother to discuss. But then, himself cannot settle all the things and cannot plan properly. Leave it to him lah.

Updates of My Mum

My mum has been back home since last Saturday. Seems like she is recovering well. Thanks to all for your concern.

I learnt from this episode that :

1) Blood Platelets are there to clot bleeding

2) If White Blood Cell (WBC) counts go below the normal range (4x10^9/L), it is most likely a Viral infection

3) If WBC counts go above the normal range (10x10^9/L), it is most likely a Bacterial infection
Of course, stress, therapy and trauma can change these counts as well

Updated - PIctures of my visits to my Mum

My mum is still quite weak. Rashes has developed and she is feeling itchy. Pain and itch is causing her to lose sleep.

This morning, she was sent to see an eye doctor. Blur vision is an expected symptom of Dengue Fever.

I hope she doesn't suffer much and recover. Nothing much can be done as it depends entirely on her immune system.

~*~*~*~*~

When my mum first went to TTSH on Sunday (2nd October), there was a "research nurse", asking her to sign a paper to allow them to draw blood from her for research purposes.

My father was with her. I guess out of social-mindedness, my father willingly agreed. Since it is only drawing of blood and not testing of any new medication/drugs.

Then they drew 3 big syringes of blood !

And they are the bigger ones, bigger than those that TTSH use when they drew her blood for her regular blood tests.

We were told that in total, they will draw the blood 3 times ! And only after the 3rd time (read : 9 big syringes) they will give a compensation of ....

make a guess ?



*drum roll*



S$30.



What the hell !

At a time like this, when the patient needed their blood the most - for the immune system to fight the virus - they draw so much ! How the heck do they expect the patient to recover faster ??? What happened to the "First do no harm" ethic ?

Oh wait... They are a Singapore research firm. Not medical doctors. They are NOT bound by the Hippocratic Oath...

My mum has always been weak and the Dengue is making her lose appetite and sometimes throwing up. We are going to stop this donation...


And the S$30 is not enough to buy Brands Essence of Chicken or any tonic for 2 weeks (which is the time an average Dengue patient takes to recover).

~*~*~*~*~

First time I ever went to CDC and the new CDC 2. CDC 2 is a new ward. Just beside TTSH A&E Dept, and beside Ren Ci Hospital.

This is how it looks like in the day :

Main Building

Lobby


And this is how it looks like at night :

Main Building

Corridor 1

Corridor 2


Does look like some secret hospital that is researching on some scary illegal stuff..

And since CDC is a place of concentration of highly-contagious diseases, precautions not to spread into the general population is there :

(1) Visitors are required to sign in and given a mask (though it is not a N95 mask)
(2) Disinfectant before leaving the hospital

Mosquitoes...

My mum was hospitalized this afternoon for dengue fever.
She is weak as she couldn't eat a lot. Been having fever since last Thursday.

So, if all goes well, she should be recovering by next Thursday - as it usually takes about 2 weeks to recover.

Now, I don't know when, I got stung 2 times - one on my arm, another on my thigh. I do hope I am not going to get it. Ok, going for a mozzie-hunt after I finish this post.

(No, I do not live with my mum.)

~*~*~*~*~

On the work front, everything (well, almost) is smooth and going ok - at least the major stuff. Next weekend, we are having a company anniversary trip to Bintan Club Med. I heard the place is great. I will see for myself then.

Almost S$500 per person, 5-meals per day provided, free flow of wine and soft drinks during lunch and dinner. Reaching there Friday morning, leaving on Sunday afternoon. I think it is a good deal, if the meals and wines are good.

~*~*~*~*~

2005 is coming to its last quarter, and very soon, I will be doing my own end-of-year stock check. Time to review what I have achieved this year, and where am I in my overall goals, and what I can do better next year.

Or I could just pretend to be ignorant about it. Afterall, Ignorance is Bliss, isn't it ?

Wedding in My Family Part 2

Meet-the-parents session dinner 2 weeks ago was cancelled.

Today, my parents told me that my brother said he cancelled the wedding because my parents made this difficult for him.

I have nothing to add on to what I had said in my previous post of Wedding in My Family Part 1

I will just pretend nothing has happened. Afterall it is not my life. I can just don't care... or can I ?

Wedding in My Family Part 1

My younger brother is getting married.

Discussions on his wedding plans with our family has been stressful. I don't think I can provide all the details here, but I shall summarize some facts :

(1) My brother wanted a simple one :
- Morning traditional Chinese "pick the bride" ceremony
- Afternoon ROM at Fort Canning
- After ROM, buffet meal
- No Chinese Wedding Dinner

(2) My father told him (though I was not around) about the different types of "wedding" plans, and what are the costs, etc. Asking him how big the place is and how many tables it can accommodate, if they want Wedding Dinner.

(3) My Brother said if there will be a Wedding Dinner, the bride's family wants 10 tables.

(4) My parents were still in the "lets discuss whether to have Dinner or not" mentality, but my brother is in "I don't want dinner, but you say will lose face" mentality

(5) Initial thoughts of having Church wedding is scrapped.

(6) Parents upset that there was no "discussion" or anything, and they were not involved in the decision making process. They maintained they do not insist on having Wedding Dinner if my brother cannot afford it.

Now, they will just let my brother decide everything, otherwise any points raised will just be another opportunity to argue.

(7) Booking deposit for the location has been placed.

(8) Both families have not met each other. My brother asked "So who will pay for the dinner for both families to meet ?"

(9) Last discussion when I was around, ended up with my brother shouting at my father, and me shouting and stomping off because I just cannot stand it.

(10) My brother has been living in his girlfriend's house (sleeping in the living room) for the past 1+ years. Currently, there is no plans to get a house of his own.

(11) My parents feel that he is just accommodating to whatever the girl and their family wants. Not caring about what our parent wants. They felt excluded. That they have "lost a son"



What is my feel on this whole scenario :

(1) My brother has always been not a very detailed planner. Doesn't he take into consideration that if he doesn't want a dinner, he will need some time to talk/convince parents on either/both sides ?

(2) If he just wants to do things, execute without consulting our parents and expect just a "ok, whatever you want to do" from our parents, then his 28 years of knowing our parents basically is nought.

(3) If he wants to do what he wants, he is not "firm" enough, in that he can't say "I have decided. These are my reasons, and please just accept. I will not change". Why ? Because after first round of talking to my parents about it, he starts to "accommodate" and "try to please" my parents.

This goes to show he has not thought through the whole process and cannot handle the "relationship" side of something as important as his wedding.






Tonight our families are meeting for dinner. I promise not to get too involved.
Will update more after the dinner.

Orrrr. My Father So Naughty

Saw this old packaging of the old water heater that I used when I was young. The heater is no longer around (I think), but the box is used to store other junk.

I think I know why my father bought this brand hor, even though it is not a very famous or popular brand. Wah. How come no R(A) ratings huh ? Movies that show so much, sure kenna slap with R(A) ratings one ...

Early Ching Ming And The Scary World I Live In

I spent the last weekend doing rituals - Ching Ming. On Saturday, my family went to Malaysia to pay respects to my great-grandmother at her grave. (I have taken a few pics of the nice mountain scenary and the grave, but I think nobody wants to see spooky graveyards of someone not related to them, so I shall spare you.)

The rituals include cleaning the graves of some other relatives and neighbours and inviting them over to my great-grandma's graveyard to taste our offerings and have a gathering. After the candles are burnt and the joss-sticks mostly combusted, we offered to burn hell-bank-notes for them to spend in the netherworld.

Then we went to visit a few of my father's old primary school friends and also neighbours. Ended the evening with a grocery shopping at the nearest mall before heading back home. Of course, I also tried to pump my tank full of cheaper Malaysian petrol before heading back home.

*~*~*~*~*

On Sunday, we went to pay respects to my grandfather, who is now living in an apartment in a Chinese temple off Old Holland Road. Even in death, Singaporeans (or a Singapore Resident, in the case of my grandfather,) do not have the luxuary of RIP in landed property.

Of course, not forgetting other relatives who are also housed in the same temple, to share in the offerings.

*~*~*~*~*

My father and my grandfather, as far back as I know, were at loggerheads. I shall not attempt to summarize a lifetime of issues here.

Although I have always seen arguments and quarrels in the house when I was younger, my father has always been filial in handling my grandfather's old age, illness and stuff like that. Of course, there are gripes on how the other siblings are not helping and even angry at my father for ill-treating my grandparent's.

Of course, when offered the "If you think I am treating them so badly, then bring them to your house lah ! You show me how to be filial lah !" statement (though not that way literally, my father sugar-coats his words), no one accepts the challenge. My father, by the way, is not the eldest son. He is the 3rd sibling, behind an eldest uncle and an elder auntie.

When my grandfather was alife, I ever wondered whether my father was filial due to "peer pressure" or things of that sort. Even in death, I sometimes wonder whether all these Ching Ming thing is truely from his heart, or just trying to inbue in us this filial ritual so that we will do the same for him when he passes on.

Sometimes, I wonder whether I am really so sick of this world that I even start to doubt the intention of my own father. Sometimes, I think I am the sick one. Why do these thoughts cross my mind ?

The world is already a scary place. I am grateful that I do not have telepathy or any mind-reading abilities, or I have to deal with an even darker world than it already is.

My Dad's Expensive Toys

My father has loads of high-tech toys. I am referring to home entertainment system that I have seen since I was young till today. This weekend, I just decided to take a look and list down some of the items he has stacked in the living room.

For those who do not know, I have always been complaining that my father buys and keeps too many things, making our house looking like a junk yard.

Some of these equipment are new, some have been there since I was young. These are arranged in order of brand :

(1) Denon LA-3450K
(2) Enzer E5228 DVD Player (in Kitchen)
(3) Harman Kardon AVR 8500 System
(4) JVC T-G90 Radio Tuner (No links found)
(5) JVC QL-G90 Record Turntable (No links found, but should be same as the one used here)
(6) National NV-788 VCR (in Kitchen)
(7) Panasonic NV-HD680 VCR (No links found)
(8) Pure Evoke-2 Digital Audio Broadcast & FM Radio Receiver
(9) Sony MDS-JE780 MiniDisc Player/Recorder
(10) Technics SL-P500
(11) Technics ST-G7 Tuner (Black)
(12) Technics RS-TR979 Tape Deck

Oh and there are also the numerous TV sets, 3 and 5 mega-pixels digital cameras, video-camcorders, portable MD recorders and walkmans around the house somewhere which I didn't have time to hunt them down and write down their models...

Down Memory Lane

Was having dinner with my family last night in a street food stall in Malaysia - Kulai, Johor. My grandparents used to own a shop and a house there. The land has now been developed into flatted shops and apartments. I am sure my family and relatives made some money out of the land.

But what I remembered was the row of shop house. It was about 10 meters in front of the front door of the main house. I can remember the house very well because I had stayed there many times in my childhood. But the shop house was only a distant memory. It was burnt down in 1981.

In 1981, I was only 9 years old. My family was living in a flat in Holland Village. One night, I received a phone call for my dad, from my 1st Aunt (who lives in that house). My dad then told us that there was a fire spread from one of the shops and is spreading.

My father and mother then took a few fire-extinguishers from our house, loaded it up the car and drove to Malaysia. I was left alone in the house with my baby brother.

What I heard was that they took about 45 minutes to reach 1 mile away from the fire. Main road was blocked by the police, and traffic piled up. So my parents walked 1 mile to reach the house. By then, the whole row of shops were in fire, with the firemen battling it. My parents ran to the house. With our relatives, they started to spray water all over the front yard, and the roof. Until the police evacuated the whole neighbourhood. They left. Returned the next day, and all the houses were intact. The row of shop houses then became a piece of wasteland, for about 10 years.

What I can remember about those shops, were very little. What I can remember about the house is still in my memories. This was where I spent many years having fun with fire-crackers during Chinese New Year. This was where I bathed with well-water in the open. This was were I learnt how to plant vegetables, and pluck papayas. This was where I used toilets that had no sewage system. This was where .....