Wedding in My Family Part 1

My younger brother is getting married.

Discussions on his wedding plans with our family has been stressful. I don't think I can provide all the details here, but I shall summarize some facts :

(1) My brother wanted a simple one :
- Morning traditional Chinese "pick the bride" ceremony
- Afternoon ROM at Fort Canning
- After ROM, buffet meal
- No Chinese Wedding Dinner

(2) My father told him (though I was not around) about the different types of "wedding" plans, and what are the costs, etc. Asking him how big the place is and how many tables it can accommodate, if they want Wedding Dinner.

(3) My Brother said if there will be a Wedding Dinner, the bride's family wants 10 tables.

(4) My parents were still in the "lets discuss whether to have Dinner or not" mentality, but my brother is in "I don't want dinner, but you say will lose face" mentality

(5) Initial thoughts of having Church wedding is scrapped.

(6) Parents upset that there was no "discussion" or anything, and they were not involved in the decision making process. They maintained they do not insist on having Wedding Dinner if my brother cannot afford it.

Now, they will just let my brother decide everything, otherwise any points raised will just be another opportunity to argue.

(7) Booking deposit for the location has been placed.

(8) Both families have not met each other. My brother asked "So who will pay for the dinner for both families to meet ?"

(9) Last discussion when I was around, ended up with my brother shouting at my father, and me shouting and stomping off because I just cannot stand it.

(10) My brother has been living in his girlfriend's house (sleeping in the living room) for the past 1+ years. Currently, there is no plans to get a house of his own.

(11) My parents feel that he is just accommodating to whatever the girl and their family wants. Not caring about what our parent wants. They felt excluded. That they have "lost a son"



What is my feel on this whole scenario :

(1) My brother has always been not a very detailed planner. Doesn't he take into consideration that if he doesn't want a dinner, he will need some time to talk/convince parents on either/both sides ?

(2) If he just wants to do things, execute without consulting our parents and expect just a "ok, whatever you want to do" from our parents, then his 28 years of knowing our parents basically is nought.

(3) If he wants to do what he wants, he is not "firm" enough, in that he can't say "I have decided. These are my reasons, and please just accept. I will not change". Why ? Because after first round of talking to my parents about it, he starts to "accommodate" and "try to please" my parents.

This goes to show he has not thought through the whole process and cannot handle the "relationship" side of something as important as his wedding.






Tonight our families are meeting for dinner. I promise not to get too involved.
Will update more after the dinner.