My Childhood - Part 3

A year later, I was to go to primary school. Nanyang Primary School was the school my father wanted me to go to. He queued for several days, but there was no vacancy for me. The principal told him to try other schools, but he insisted and stayed and waited for several days in school, sitting in the office, waiting for someone to withdraw. However, even the waiting list was very long. Finally, after 3 days, someone did withdraw and because my father was waiting outside, the principal , touched my father’s determination, gave the vacancy me.

Few months later, I was to take the school bus to school, accompanied by my mother. When I went into the classroom, I saw many of my classmates. They had their mothers with them too. The teacher came in and started to get us kids together. An hour of so later, almost all the kids are still constantly looking for their parents. Some of the parents left quietly and some of the kids started to cry. Boy, they sure are noisy for their age.

I looked for my mother, but she wasn’t there. I was sad, but remembered what my father told me the day before. He said I should be a big boy and show the rest of the kids that I should be a good example for them, that I should be independent. Somehow, that didn’t work quite well, for I had tears in my eyes for a few minutes (ok, so it was about half an hour, but I didn’t cry out loud !) before I turned my attention back to my teacher.

In the next few days, lesser and lesser parents were seen at our windows. Pretty soon, all the kids somehow got used to the teacher and the school. I was usually a shy boy and didn’t mix around much. Didn’t talk to anyone except those that came to talk to me, or those few sitting around me.

By the end of the year, I know everyone in my class of 40. Exams and tests came and went. Being typically ‘kiasu’ and pressured by parents, I studied very hard and always came out first 5 in class and aggregate of over 90% for every subject.

At primary 3, I started to deteriorate. Either I became stupid or the rest of the kids became clever. Either way, my results dropped to the 70% level and position in class is always last 15. I became disheartened and so were my parents. They began to put more pressure on me. Try as I might, but still I couldn’t do much better.

This deterioration went on. I was considered one of the not so bright kids in the school. My parents began to think that I was playing too much, going out too much. In the end, when I was in primary 4, they tried to control my activities, limit my play time, supervised me in my studies, giving me tests of their own. I became very quiet, anti-social, studious, hardworking, dull…

I was short, fair and a quiet guy. And now stupid. Target of choice by physical bullies as well as intellectual bullies. As days go by, I felt pressurized and doubts on whether I can make it in school, whether I can make it in this world…