I am sad to say, contrary to what I want to be, I am not a sadist.
It happened today. The grilling and the bad news. In front of the whole dept.
I wasn't gloating. I wasn't happy. I didn't feel satisfaction. I don't know why.
Maybe the mood was sombre. Maybe it was the pot calling the kettle black.
Maybe I am not as much a sadist as I hope I would be. I have too much emphathy and emotions in me and that made me more vulnerable that what I want to be - strong, determined.
But as my friend would say, being brave is not about having no-fear. It is about managing fear and yourself.
So maybe, to be strong and determined, it does not mean I have to be emotionless. It just means I have to manage my emotions. But it is sure harder, than if I were just a sadist bastard.
No comments:
Post a Comment