I remember one day I was talking to someone about stomachaches and needing to go toilet.
It reminded me of an incident that happened a few years ago. Kind of funny now, but you can be sure I wasn't even smiling at that time.
Warning : This is going to be a long and disgusting story.... Read at your own risk.
It was in the evening, around 6pm. I took a bus from Jurong East on the way home. The bus was crowded (thus I suspect it was a weekend), but I had a seat and it was near the exit.
In the beginning, I felt ill. Stomach upset. I thought I will endure it till I reached home. Another 5 minutes and the bus moves only 3 stops. Bus is full. Traffic is heavy. Pain in my stomach is getting worse. I need to find a restroom very very soon.
5 more minutes. 3 more bus stops. Another 15 to get to my house. Decided to get off near a coffee shop which I know is about 3 bus stops away.
1 more minute. Feeling of involuntary rectal movements. Something is coming down. I know I cannot endure another 3 more bus stops. I will crap in my pants and everyone on the bus will know.
I pressed the bell. I stood up. Squeezed my way to the exit. Bus is waiting at a junction to turn right. Long queue of vehicles. Light just turned red. I stood at the exit, legs crossed. Closed my eyes, focusing all my strength to squeeze my rectum shut, holding everything in.
Am I able to catch a cab and reach home in time ? At most, I embarrass myself in front of one driver only.
Traffic light is toying with me. I swear the people around me noticed me. My eyes opened. Still red light. It felt like 10 minutes.
Bus turned. Stopped at the bus stop. I got down. I looked left, I looked right. No public toilets. All HDB flats. Nobody around as well. I took a gamble. Walked up a few flights of stairs.
If I can't find anyone that can offer me their toilet, I will have to dump it in a secluded corner and run as fast as I can away from the crime scene. How about toilet paper ? No time to think about that. Maybe I can use my handkerchef and throw it away. If it is not enough, I can use my underwear to clean too, and just go home in my jeans.
I saw a Malay boy and girl, wearing school uniforms, sitting around their front door chatting. I ran up. I asked whether I can use their toilet.. no wait. I TOLD them I needed to use their toilet, that I am having stomachache.
The boy and girl (about the age of 14 to 16), looked at me. I squeezed my way past them, into their house and run to the toilet. I saw an only grandma halfway, I think she was in the living room. I told her in simple English "Stomachache. Toilet." I didn't wait for permission. She can call the police for all I care - I will crap all over them ! Literally !
I closed the toilet door. Barely took off my pants, the moment I squatted down (yes, it was the squatting pan type) all Hell broke loose. I can hear the old Grandma walking into the kitchen, saying somethings in Malay. I couldn't understand her questions or demands. I didn't reply.
She came outside the door of the toilet. Then she exclaimed "Alamak. Busuk !". Now THAT I understand. And I agree with her.
I took me 5 minutes to purge whatever it is that is causing my stomach to expel. I cleaned up. Flushed the toilet. And now I am ready to face the music of trespassing. I opened the door. No police.
I walked out. Thanking the grandma in what little Malay I can speak, I thank the boy and girl, and stepped out, put on my shoe and walked. My head held high again.
I took a cab home and rested.
That will forever be in my memory. The pain, the strength needed to keep in an explosion, the expulsion of non-halal food waste in a Muslim toilet, the unseen-but-imaginable twitching of Malay grandma's nose when the stench attacked her all-so-fragile nose and sense of smell, the day I charged into someone's house risking arrest. It will be the day of my most horrendous LS experience.
Friday, May 20, 2005
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Why Singaporeans So Lidat One
Last night, was going home. At the lift landing of my block talking and waiting for the lift to arrive.
The door opened, a lady was inside. I stepped back, and offered a smile.
She stared straight ahead, with a "why are you blocking my way" look.
Why... Why like that ? All living in the same block, sharing lifts and common facilities. Why treat others as though they are not fellow human beings ?
*sigh*
The door opened, a lady was inside. I stepped back, and offered a smile.
She stared straight ahead, with a "why are you blocking my way" look.
Why... Why like that ? All living in the same block, sharing lifts and common facilities. Why treat others as though they are not fellow human beings ?
*sigh*
Monday, May 16, 2005
My Exhausting Weekend
Started my weekend early. Went to Devil's Bar on Thursday night with a bunch of new friends. The session ended at 3, and I slept at about 4.30am, Friday morning.
Almost couldn't wake up on Friday to get to work. But I did. Lucky for me, my boss was in late and I had some time for my coffee to kick in before I had to face him with regards to some extra work.
Yeah, my boss's "lover-boy" has resigned. I guess he must be having difficulty handling the "stress". I guess this anti-climax ending just isn'f fun anymore.
I know I will have to take over the work, no matter what. Just want to wait for it to be official.
So I had a talk with my boss from about 11am all the way until after lunch.
I still need to put in alot of effort to make sure my primary job scope is up to standard. I just hope I am able to juggle everything well enough. Been having a lot of white hair already. Either I will have more white hair, or just no hair at all.
Where was I ? ... Oh yeah, my weekend....
Friday night, wasn't out too late. After dinner of wonderful local food (Noodles, Oyster, Stingray), went to a friend's house to chat, watch TV and play X-Box games. Back home at about 2am and slept before 3.
Woke up Saturday at noon, went to town to shop for a while. Then had an early dinner with a bunch of friends and their families at No Signboard Seafood Restaurant at Mattar Road. After the delicious crabs, prawns and lobsters, we headed to have Rochor Tao Huay along Geylang Lor. 19. Yum Yum..
Headed back home before 10. Watched DVDs and had some drinks before I fell asleep in drunken stupor.
Felt a little bad, doing all these fun stuff, so just now in the afternoon, went to "walk" up Bt Timah Hill.
"Walk" wasn't the appropriate description. Walk is when you can place one leg in front of the other and move your body forward. Walking is like breathing - it places no stress on your body.
I had to use my hands to help my knees straighten out. I had to stop to take breaths before I can continue the steep ascend. I had to rest my legs when I reached the summit almost rolling down the hill.
Anyway, my father is on his way up to Genting and KL (again) with another friend...
Almost couldn't wake up on Friday to get to work. But I did. Lucky for me, my boss was in late and I had some time for my coffee to kick in before I had to face him with regards to some extra work.
Yeah, my boss's "lover-boy" has resigned. I guess he must be having difficulty handling the "stress". I guess this anti-climax ending just isn'f fun anymore.
I know I will have to take over the work, no matter what. Just want to wait for it to be official.
So I had a talk with my boss from about 11am all the way until after lunch.
I still need to put in alot of effort to make sure my primary job scope is up to standard. I just hope I am able to juggle everything well enough. Been having a lot of white hair already. Either I will have more white hair, or just no hair at all.
Where was I ? ... Oh yeah, my weekend....
Friday night, wasn't out too late. After dinner of wonderful local food (Noodles, Oyster, Stingray), went to a friend's house to chat, watch TV and play X-Box games. Back home at about 2am and slept before 3.
Woke up Saturday at noon, went to town to shop for a while. Then had an early dinner with a bunch of friends and their families at No Signboard Seafood Restaurant at Mattar Road. After the delicious crabs, prawns and lobsters, we headed to have Rochor Tao Huay along Geylang Lor. 19. Yum Yum..
Headed back home before 10. Watched DVDs and had some drinks before I fell asleep in drunken stupor.
Felt a little bad, doing all these fun stuff, so just now in the afternoon, went to "walk" up Bt Timah Hill.
"Walk" wasn't the appropriate description. Walk is when you can place one leg in front of the other and move your body forward. Walking is like breathing - it places no stress on your body.
I had to use my hands to help my knees straighten out. I had to stop to take breaths before I can continue the steep ascend. I had to rest my legs when I reached the summit almost rolling down the hill.
Anyway, my father is on his way up to Genting and KL (again) with another friend...
Thursday, May 05, 2005
My Forgotten Childhood
Just now, after work, I went to pick up my parents to run some errands. At the end of it all, we went to visit my old nanny. The person who baby-sits me when I was very very young (I think less than 5 years old).
I couldn't even remember her at all. My earliest childhood that I could remember were here in My Childhood Part 1.
We reached her place at about 9pm. The place was dark. We knocked and called out. We guessed she was out. But we tried to call her house phone instead, as there were no door bells.
She woke up from her slumber. Despite being old (about the age of 85) she stills walks well, and can recognize my father. Of course, I needed to be introduced to her. She can remember me.
For 30 minutes, we listened and talked to her. She recounted mostly how naughty I was. She spoke in Hokkien (though with another accent that sounded a bit like Teo-Chew) and I could more or less understand what she was saying.
That I liked to climb up and down everywhere and made her panic many times, afraid that I will fall and meet my doom.
That I once hid behind the toilet door (remember old days, in those 3-room flats, where toilet doors were folded from zinc sheets) and stayed very quiet for hours, while she panic and called for my grandmother to help look for me all over the house.
That I once pee on the other kids who actually made me "piss off". I stood on the table, took out my "water-pistol" and urinated on the kids all around me.
That everytime when my parents bring me into her house for her to baby-sit me, I will automatically stretch out my legs so that she could leash my leg to her sofa.
Somehow, I was given the impression that I was a monster when I was a child, that almost everyone had to leash me up or face heart attack from fear or anger.
Oh well, for someone so naughty, I am really glad I do not have kids, nor intend to. If my kids turn out like me, everyone will agree that it will be retribution to the fullest. Alas, no such luck to all of you ! Neeeh ! :P
I couldn't even remember her at all. My earliest childhood that I could remember were here in My Childhood Part 1.
We reached her place at about 9pm. The place was dark. We knocked and called out. We guessed she was out. But we tried to call her house phone instead, as there were no door bells.
She woke up from her slumber. Despite being old (about the age of 85) she stills walks well, and can recognize my father. Of course, I needed to be introduced to her. She can remember me.
For 30 minutes, we listened and talked to her. She recounted mostly how naughty I was. She spoke in Hokkien (though with another accent that sounded a bit like Teo-Chew) and I could more or less understand what she was saying.
That I liked to climb up and down everywhere and made her panic many times, afraid that I will fall and meet my doom.
That I once hid behind the toilet door (remember old days, in those 3-room flats, where toilet doors were folded from zinc sheets) and stayed very quiet for hours, while she panic and called for my grandmother to help look for me all over the house.
That I once pee on the other kids who actually made me "piss off". I stood on the table, took out my "water-pistol" and urinated on the kids all around me.
That everytime when my parents bring me into her house for her to baby-sit me, I will automatically stretch out my legs so that she could leash my leg to her sofa.
Somehow, I was given the impression that I was a monster when I was a child, that almost everyone had to leash me up or face heart attack from fear or anger.
Oh well, for someone so naughty, I am really glad I do not have kids, nor intend to. If my kids turn out like me, everyone will agree that it will be retribution to the fullest. Alas, no such luck to all of you ! Neeeh ! :P
Monday, May 02, 2005
Project Done
Ok. Spend the most part of my waking hours today doing up my project - Changing of my ICE (In-Car-Entertainment).
Nothing fancy, just changing of HU (Head Unit). Below is the original HU :
Well. The Challenge is ripping out the silver panel in order to access the screws to remove the HU. Heard that the siver panel is held by clips, no screws. Ok. Here goes nothing...
12.30pm - Removed the glove compartment on the left.
12.40pm - Accessed the right of the silver panel. Tried to push with my finger. Ouch. Pushed Harder, it popped out a little. Used my key-chain tag to pry from below (where the 3 air-con dials are). Prying from left to right.
1.00pm - Ha ha ! Silver panel came out. With a bunch of wires and cables attached. The dials below had cables attached.
This view is from top. What you see on the left side is the driver floormat.
1.10pm - Had to remove the clock wires and the hazard light wires before I can tilt the silver panel down to gain access to the entire ICE. (Yes, it took me 10 minutes to pull out those cables. Limited space and also the connectors all have latches.)
1.15pm - Unscrewed and pulled out the HU. Sorry, in my excitement, I forgot to take pictures of every step. Now trying to remove all the cables attached to the HU.
1.25pm - Totally removed the original HU. Yeah, another 10 minutes and painful fingers. Compared the connectors and they are a match with the JVC that I wanted to install. Pin-outs were matching, as I had compared the manuals last night. However, there is one extra cable - Remote controller. There is no such connector on the JVC. Anyway, I do not have steering-wheel controller. So it doesn't matter.
1.30pm - Connected the JVC set to test it out. It works ! Ensured that the "left" and "right", "front" and "rear" channels are working properly.
1.40pm - Tried to screw the brackets onto the JVC set.
1.55pm - Mounted the new JVC HU in. Too low. Take out and remount the brackets.
2.00pm - Fully mounted the JVC HU in. Connected clock and hazard-light cables. Re-installed silver panel.
2.15pm - After slamming and hitting the panel home, reattached the air-con cables (I had to unplug some of them). Realized that the HU is too far in. The front cover of this HU is smaller than the original HU, thus it left 2 gaping holes on the 2 sides and able to see the screws. Oh shit. The only way is to make it protrude more, hopefully able to cover the hole.
2.20pm - Managed to take out the silver panel again. Lost one of the metal clips somewhere inside. I hope it doesn't rattle or create noise next time. I just can't find it.
2.45pm - Gave up looking for the clip. Adjusted the brackets. Fit HU back in, put silver panel halfway in to see if it covers enough. No.
3.00pm - Re-adjusted the brackets again. This time, it seems good. Mounted silver panel back home. Re-attached all wires, and cables.
3.15pm - Took the glove compartment. All my stuff dropped out. Opps. Reinstalled glove compartment. Put all my stuff back in.
3.25pm - Started engine, test aircon - Working. Test HU - Working. Great ! Mission accomplished. Wanted to wash car, but is drizzling. Remembered that I wanted to take photos, so here are is the new JVC HU installed :
If you look closely, you can see some scratch marks on the yellow panel bordering the silver panel.
This is taken with flash.
This is taken without flash.
Opps, my sexy legs can be seen. Heh heh.
Look at the cool colours. I am now able to play MP3 and WMA CDs ! It sounds better (higher power output than my original HU), more equalizer functions, and more FM channel memories. I am able to customize colours in different modes.
I have to find the software to allow me to download more pictures and animations into the HU. Bet you didn't know that it is possible, well, I didn't... that I can program pictures, burn them into a CD, slot it into the HU and pick the graphics that I want and associate them with various things like start-up graphics, screen-savers etc. This HU is cool.
The only function I find missing from this HU that my original one had - Ability to activate without turning on the vehicle power. Sometimes, when I leave people in the car and I bring my car keys with me (turning off everything in the process,) they now couldn't even listen to the radio.
If I hack the wires such that the HU connects directly to the battery power, then it will not auto-off when I turn off my car. Damn. Just one missing feature. The only thing I can do now without powering on, is to eject the CD.
4.00pm - Finished customizing the radio channels, audio volume, equalizers, etc. Ok. Rain stopped. Cleaned carpet. Cleaned leather seats. Washed my car
5.00pm - Finished washing. Now with my claybar, hunted around for foreign objects still stuck on the paint.
5.30pm - Drove to a brighter and dry area of the MSCP (Multi-storey Car Park) and start to wax. Haven't done it for 2 months.
6.30pm - Done. Ran out of water. Rushed home to drink cold soft-drinks.
Ok. Now you know how I spent the day.
Nothing fancy, just changing of HU (Head Unit). Below is the original HU :
Well. The Challenge is ripping out the silver panel in order to access the screws to remove the HU. Heard that the siver panel is held by clips, no screws. Ok. Here goes nothing...
12.30pm - Removed the glove compartment on the left.
12.40pm - Accessed the right of the silver panel. Tried to push with my finger. Ouch. Pushed Harder, it popped out a little. Used my key-chain tag to pry from below (where the 3 air-con dials are). Prying from left to right.
1.00pm - Ha ha ! Silver panel came out. With a bunch of wires and cables attached. The dials below had cables attached.
This view is from top. What you see on the left side is the driver floormat.
1.10pm - Had to remove the clock wires and the hazard light wires before I can tilt the silver panel down to gain access to the entire ICE. (Yes, it took me 10 minutes to pull out those cables. Limited space and also the connectors all have latches.)
1.15pm - Unscrewed and pulled out the HU. Sorry, in my excitement, I forgot to take pictures of every step. Now trying to remove all the cables attached to the HU.
1.25pm - Totally removed the original HU. Yeah, another 10 minutes and painful fingers. Compared the connectors and they are a match with the JVC that I wanted to install. Pin-outs were matching, as I had compared the manuals last night. However, there is one extra cable - Remote controller. There is no such connector on the JVC. Anyway, I do not have steering-wheel controller. So it doesn't matter.
1.30pm - Connected the JVC set to test it out. It works ! Ensured that the "left" and "right", "front" and "rear" channels are working properly.
1.40pm - Tried to screw the brackets onto the JVC set.
1.55pm - Mounted the new JVC HU in. Too low. Take out and remount the brackets.
2.00pm - Fully mounted the JVC HU in. Connected clock and hazard-light cables. Re-installed silver panel.
2.15pm - After slamming and hitting the panel home, reattached the air-con cables (I had to unplug some of them). Realized that the HU is too far in. The front cover of this HU is smaller than the original HU, thus it left 2 gaping holes on the 2 sides and able to see the screws. Oh shit. The only way is to make it protrude more, hopefully able to cover the hole.
2.20pm - Managed to take out the silver panel again. Lost one of the metal clips somewhere inside. I hope it doesn't rattle or create noise next time. I just can't find it.
2.45pm - Gave up looking for the clip. Adjusted the brackets. Fit HU back in, put silver panel halfway in to see if it covers enough. No.
3.00pm - Re-adjusted the brackets again. This time, it seems good. Mounted silver panel back home. Re-attached all wires, and cables.
3.15pm - Took the glove compartment. All my stuff dropped out. Opps. Reinstalled glove compartment. Put all my stuff back in.
3.25pm - Started engine, test aircon - Working. Test HU - Working. Great ! Mission accomplished. Wanted to wash car, but is drizzling. Remembered that I wanted to take photos, so here are is the new JVC HU installed :
If you look closely, you can see some scratch marks on the yellow panel bordering the silver panel.
This is taken with flash.
This is taken without flash.
Opps, my sexy legs can be seen. Heh heh.
Look at the cool colours. I am now able to play MP3 and WMA CDs ! It sounds better (higher power output than my original HU), more equalizer functions, and more FM channel memories. I am able to customize colours in different modes.
I have to find the software to allow me to download more pictures and animations into the HU. Bet you didn't know that it is possible, well, I didn't... that I can program pictures, burn them into a CD, slot it into the HU and pick the graphics that I want and associate them with various things like start-up graphics, screen-savers etc. This HU is cool.
The only function I find missing from this HU that my original one had - Ability to activate without turning on the vehicle power. Sometimes, when I leave people in the car and I bring my car keys with me (turning off everything in the process,) they now couldn't even listen to the radio.
If I hack the wires such that the HU connects directly to the battery power, then it will not auto-off when I turn off my car. Damn. Just one missing feature. The only thing I can do now without powering on, is to eject the CD.
4.00pm - Finished customizing the radio channels, audio volume, equalizers, etc. Ok. Rain stopped. Cleaned carpet. Cleaned leather seats. Washed my car
5.00pm - Finished washing. Now with my claybar, hunted around for foreign objects still stuck on the paint.
5.30pm - Drove to a brighter and dry area of the MSCP (Multi-storey Car Park) and start to wax. Haven't done it for 2 months.
6.30pm - Done. Ran out of water. Rushed home to drink cold soft-drinks.
Ok. Now you know how I spent the day.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)